Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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