So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
