He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
