She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
