dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
