im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
