If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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