He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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