I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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