The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
