i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize