As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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