i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
