Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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