Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
