My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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