it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
