Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
