TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
