you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
