...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
