I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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