My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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