It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
