best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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