It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
