New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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