well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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