I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
