This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
is it fun? or sober?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
