god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
