His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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