Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
