Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize