well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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