I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
