DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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