What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
