super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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