from now on my penis is your penis
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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