he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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