Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
