all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize