i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize