we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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