the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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