Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
