Pants 0. Shit 1.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
