There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
