Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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