My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
