He disabled his match.com account in front of me
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
