Apparently you make a good broom.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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