Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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