If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
