I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
