I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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