even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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