I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
