five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
