At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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