Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
