i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
