capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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