Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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