Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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