It's Friday. Sex?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
