chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
