Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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