Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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