My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize