Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
