wake up i wanna do it froggy style
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Randomize
