Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
