He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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